Duh.
Richard really hammered it home this week, though. I love that he started his teaching by working through the Old Testament and giving us a background and history of blood sacrifice and some of God's characteristics.
...Then we got down and dirty. Richard challenged us to do a little deep cleaning in our hearts, and spend time asking God where there is sin in our lives. We discussed how God does not want to punish us for our sins, but rather, like a parent, he disciplines out of His incredible love for us.
"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement through faith in His blood." - Romans 3:22-25
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| The view from our condo in Florida of a church across the Intercoastal during a magnificent sunset. |
We went though a "Sin List" so that we could sit down with God and ask him to reveal where we have sin in our lives that we don't even realize. The "Sin List" included:
- Idolatry - putting anything before God (career, $$, friends, family, etc.)
- Blasphemy - using the Lord's name inappropriately, saying "God told me..." when He didn't, etc.
- Breaking the Sabbath
- Not honoring your mother & father
- Murder - or using other physical force
- Adultery - emotional sexual deviation, lust, pornography
- Stealing - time, small stuff, large stuff
- Bearing False Witness - lying about people to look better; gossip
- Coveting - "I wish I had..."
- Bitterness - complaining, talking about other people
- Foolish Conversations - going around and around
- Lewd Humor - inappropriate jokes
- Unresolved Debt
- Fear - not trusting God
- Disobeying God - not doing something He specifically asks of you
- Hatred
- Pride
At first glance, I didn't really think I had a lot to bring to the table. We're all sinners and I know that but I haven't done anything really "big" or "bad" lately. I didn't steal a car or kill anyone, I don't tell inappropriate jokes and I don't have any debt (yet). Sitting down with the list was really convicting though - there is some major sin in my life and the more I looked at it and studied what God has said about it, the more I realized the implications it has had.
The sins that God really laid on my heart were:
- Coveting - familiarity of home; having a house/family; money; material possessions. Being able to decorate a home or have a "normal" job; knowing what the future will hold - stability.
- Sabbath - making it a priority. We have plenty of free time here but am I using it wisely?
- Bitterness - Not being totally content and joyful with where God has me now; not trusting that He knows what is best for me in this season. Using my bitterness to pull others down or as an excuse to complain/gossip.
- Fear - being scared about my future. Not praising God for what he has already given me, but being timid about the days to come. Not keeping in mind his promise to take care of me.
When God says he wants us to walk in the light, He is saying that he wants us to feel FREEDOM and JOY and HAPPINESS and PURITY, not the emotions that have been coming with my sin - frustration, annoyance, bitterness, lack of control, timidness, fear, hurt, anger, rejection. He wants us to enjoy one another and live in community and draw strength & encouragement from one another. Why do I hold on to painful things that drag me down? Why am I making myself unlovable and hiding in the dark instead of rejoicing in the things He wants to give me when I walk in the light with Him?
"For once you were darkness, but now you are LIGHT in the Lord. Live as children of the light." - Ephesians 5:8
"This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is Light. In Him, there is no darkness at all...But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin." - 1 John 1:5,7
"But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." - Galatians 5:22
"For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other so that you do not do what you want." - Galatians 5:17
It is amazing to me that the God of the universe loves me even when I'm not walking anywhere near the light. When I'm not being anything that resembles a living testimony to Him, or trusting in Him in at all. He doesn't just love me a little bit either, He loves me so much that He sent His son to DIE for me. He paid the ultimate price.
Really? Really?
"You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you." - Psalm 86:5
"Because of he Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!" - Lamentations 3:22
Redemption is such a confusing and amazing subject for me to think about. It literally baffles my mind because it costs us absolutely nothing and absolutely everything at the same time. It involves laying down our own rights and feelings and asking God to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west. There is absolutely nothing we can do to earn it and even though God sees us as valuable, we are not worthy enough to be able to save ourselves. I love this because it goes against typical Western ideals, that tell us we can attain anything if we work hard enough or give more or do more.
All of this realization was really huge for me this week. God desires so much better for me and He won't ever, ever, ever stop pursuing or loving me.
So, my CHEER for the week was the deep clean (which inspired me to vacuum and mop and clean my room too). It was something I wasn't really looking forward to at all but, like real cleaning, it feels so great when you're done and can see the final product. It's also embaressing to look back on the mess you've made after you clean but God offers a giant garbage can to put all of my junk in and send it to the curb, which is awesome. I also really loved the stations that were set up to help us sort out the things that came from the sin list - they really helped to illustrate redemption and God's love for us. I have a hard time really grasping that sometimes but the atmosphere of the classroom helped a lot. Kudos to Richard and the staff for getting it set up!
My JEER for the week is the attitude I've been toting around since I got here. I hate that I have been such a jerk and so bitter to myself and so many other people. I have caught myself so many times thinking negatively of a person or a situation or feeling sorry for myself but I love that I finally feel free and am able to take captive of the thoughts I've had and the tongue that I have not done a good job of filtering. I know that I am still a work in progress and that I'll have good and bad days, but I am also so relieved to know that God doesn't want me to be miserable and He has a great plan for me, I just need to capture it.
The YWAM VALUE I want to explore this week is Practice Hospitality. Ironically, my work duty is in the hospitality area but my heart has not been very hospitable lately. Going forward, I really want to embrace the community that we have here and be open and hospitable to everyone here. Living in a tight-knit community is very different for me but there is a good chance that I may never have this opportunity again, and even if it feels very encroaching sometimes, so I want to take advantage of having people around all the time. I want to get to know them and enjoy spending time with them and to learn to be hospitable to everyone, because God loves community and desires for us to be in it.
So, my CHEER for the week was the deep clean (which inspired me to vacuum and mop and clean my room too). It was something I wasn't really looking forward to at all but, like real cleaning, it feels so great when you're done and can see the final product. It's also embaressing to look back on the mess you've made after you clean but God offers a giant garbage can to put all of my junk in and send it to the curb, which is awesome. I also really loved the stations that were set up to help us sort out the things that came from the sin list - they really helped to illustrate redemption and God's love for us. I have a hard time really grasping that sometimes but the atmosphere of the classroom helped a lot. Kudos to Richard and the staff for getting it set up!
My JEER for the week is the attitude I've been toting around since I got here. I hate that I have been such a jerk and so bitter to myself and so many other people. I have caught myself so many times thinking negatively of a person or a situation or feeling sorry for myself but I love that I finally feel free and am able to take captive of the thoughts I've had and the tongue that I have not done a good job of filtering. I know that I am still a work in progress and that I'll have good and bad days, but I am also so relieved to know that God doesn't want me to be miserable and He has a great plan for me, I just need to capture it.
The YWAM VALUE I want to explore this week is Practice Hospitality. Ironically, my work duty is in the hospitality area but my heart has not been very hospitable lately. Going forward, I really want to embrace the community that we have here and be open and hospitable to everyone here. Living in a tight-knit community is very different for me but there is a good chance that I may never have this opportunity again, and even if it feels very encroaching sometimes, so I want to take advantage of having people around all the time. I want to get to know them and enjoy spending time with them and to learn to be hospitable to everyone, because God loves community and desires for us to be in it.
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